sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
