in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
