im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
