So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
