Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Never joke about your clitoris.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
