I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
