I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hippo gnu deer
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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