just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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