someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
