Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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