I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
