wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
