I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
