just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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