so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Princesses don't give blow jobs
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
