In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
