I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
