I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
