you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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