Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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