What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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