Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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