I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
