She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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