i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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