2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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