David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
