we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
