i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
