new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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