he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
