It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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