Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
