Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
