My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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