Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
