Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
