What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
