just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
