But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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