and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
barbara walters just said penis...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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