if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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