when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
