you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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