I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
