how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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