And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
