I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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