She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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