So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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