Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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