I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
