I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Found your dick twin last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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