Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
