I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
