quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
this is an emotional support booty call
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
