Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
