Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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