I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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