No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
