I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You're like the curious george of whores
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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