worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
