Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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