I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
