Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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