My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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