Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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