I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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