i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
