And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
