im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
