girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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