I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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