Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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