I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
