that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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