i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
