I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
