so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
