Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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