so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
